2,512.6 Miles; Elks in the Park; Eff The Stanley; The Word "Quesadilla"; and A Night in Vegas

 A little bloggity I penned back in 2008 after a trip to Colorado, my son was 2 years old at the time

  

19 APR 2008

I know shut up already, weird title of a blog, really don't pre-judge I'll feed you baby birds.

We, meaning the fam, and I traveled out to Colorado last week. Total miles driven on the trip 2,512.6 through snowy passes and bleak deserts. We hit two snow storms moving through Utah in the middle of the night, let me tell you that was fun! The wife drove through some gnarly snow at Vail pass only fish tailing once. Driving in the snow in some middle of no-where mountain pass where it's pitch black, it should be an Olympic sport. The Russians would fair very well but I'm sure they would be disqualified for using enhancement creams….digression.

We were able to visit with my aunt and uncle and three of my high altitude cousins. It was a blast and I really enjoyed watching my boy run Gabby into the ground. We also saw Jennifer's uncle for 4.856 seconds. Now you may be asking yourself, "Don, how did you come up with that time?" Well Mr. talk to the computer I rounded up from the 10.000^th place…ass!

When we reached Estes Park, where we were to be a part of Jennifer's brother's wedding, we pulled into a local breakfast joint…..boom a herd of elk just cruise into the adjacent park…Whoa. Now I reacted as I always do when I see large deer like animals, "Look moose!", but alas they were elk. My son also had a similar response, "OOOH big animals!"

Now in the town of Estes Park lies The Stanley. This hotel was made famous by the movie The Shinning. I was so ready to check it out a tour was $10. Then the catch no children under 5 allowed. What! Eff You Stanley! I was ready to get Frankie screaming "Here's Jonny!" Now I can hear you, "But, Don I'm sure that…."NO SHUT UP! SCREW THEM!

On the way back home we stopped at Taco Bell (true nectar of the Gods and the only fast food chain that will survive the Fast Food Wars) We order Frankie up a quesadilla and right in the middle of eating it he looks up and spouts out "Quesadilla"…sweet and it wasn't even a chicken quesadilla…I know you do the math.

The stop in Vegas was the brain child of my wife. She tells me before we left for home that we could stop in Vegas for the night, she and the Frankster would chill in the room and I could play poker (I love her). Long story short I cash in a tournament for almost four bills, enough to pay for the room and some shopping at the outlet stores….new pair of DC shoes.

Random Star Wars Fact: The Storm Troopers guarding the Millennium Falcon after it had been pulled into the Death Star were TK 421 and TK 422. The TK is just a reference to the type of Trooper they were and 421 and 422 were their serial number. You have been given this info to use as you wish.

When the auto crapper fails to engage

For my first Blog I dug up an old one I wrote awhile back. Should kind of set the tone for the things that run through my brain:

6 MAR 2008:

I am out of there. Cut and run is what I say. It's not my fault that the auto-flushing poopin' stool has failed.

Seriously!

I am neither a doctor nor a plumber. I do not feel the need to trouble shoot this flawed piece of technology. In fact the establishment that has chose to invest in this Russian Roulette style flushing device should be held liable for the mental anguish the person that follows me will have after a miss-fire of the auto-deuce can. I leave brutal turds folks. They usually require courtesy flushes, which are very challenging while perched on these commodes. There are only two options for a courtesy flush while engaged in the act on the auto-flush head.

1. Lean far enough forward to trigger a flush. This move is not always effective, especially if you have encountered a malfunctioning auto turd bucket. If this maneuver works really all there is to look forward to an enema from the increased PSI in most public caca cans.

2. A quick stand. This will get you more flushes, but if your balloon knot harbors any clinger swingers you risk the possibility of it become dislodged. Now there is a free flying Class IV clinger swinger which could land anywhere….you my friend do the math!

And now you say, "But Don there is usually a manual flush button on these infra-red disasters.". I say shut up and stop talking to your computer!

This is supposed to be "hands free" technology. Not my job to hit the manual override.

Movie Quote Trivia:

"I thought it was to high to leave the park"…."who gives a shit it's gone"

Easy one. The prize for the first correct answer will be tape to place over the eye of any auto- flusher you may sit on. If we sabotage enough of these things maybe we can eliminate them.

Here's to good old fashioned pull flush poop dishes!