Reap What You Sow Senorita Sainz

Disclaimer: You are not gonna like this!

I first heard of the plight of Mexican television reporter Inés Sainz a few days ago on AM radio. I know most of you may not know of this thing called AM talk radio but I and two other people listen. The story went; the "self proclaimed" hottest female sportscaster was harassed by the New York Jets. My first thought was wow really??? A pretty girl around NFL players and those fine, upstanding, morally sound, all around gentlemen harassed her??? Impossible! I was shocked, with the likes of Ray Lewis, Ben Roethlisberger, Terrell Owens this league of gentleman was above reproach! I dismissed it as utter shenanigans.

Today while watching the news at work, (side note: AM radio always breaks news first! try it sometime and don't blame me if you learn something) I see how lady Sainz portrays herself. TV Azteca sells this woman's looks period. The news then shows her website, all it is is provocative pictures of herself. 

Facts: She says she is the hottest female sportcaster, and her website along with TV Azteca sells her looks. 

Confusion: Why would those sites not have photos of her interviewing famous sports stars, samples of her writings about sports, or maybe a paper published in JAMA about the events of full contact sports in coloration with the increased number of athletes developing rheumatoid arthritis? 

Interrogative: When you go to the zoo and kick the monkey cage are you shocked when they throw poop? Can we assume the average NFL player is locked in the behavioral age of a 13 year old boy? Most of them have never been asked to grow up because they can throw a ball over that mountain(snuck in a movie quote). 

Hypothesis: Your biggest assest and the thing you put forward, your looks not your sports reporting, (sorry) plus full grown men stuck at the age of thirteen equals?? You got it baby birds Inés Sainz is at least 50% responsible for this conundrum. Ah-hah that's the part you hate!

Conclusion: Folks you are what you put forward. Don't expect everyone to be mature and see past the shallow nature of your fake persona you put forward under the guise of "looks". You sell it, people buy it, and you are shocked they buy it?? Ninny! This is the part where I say, "I don't condone what has happened". I shouldn't have to but I will, because I'm sure someone will think I do, weirdos. I have a daughter and I will do my best to show her that her actions while she may seem to think otherwise will lead to how people see you and treat you. If I sell crack-corns, put my crack-corns out for everyone to see, and make sure you know I have the best crack-corns. I should not be shocked when all you want me for is my crack-corns. (Jimmy crack-corn and I don't care, sorry digression)

Advise Baby Birds: Hookers, strippers, "entertainers" stop it. "Stop what?", you ask. "It", I retort. Do not sell you body, looks, sexuality. Do not let that be the cover sheet of your fax. Present qualities you want recognized first. Oh and I hear you in the back, "I can't help it if I'm beautiful". Silence! I have the same problem. The fix to that is maybe not wearing panted on jeans and shirt to a place where negative interaction may occur by those less mature than you. Miss Sainz try a nice looser fitting pant suit, perhaps a skirt to the knees with a shirt and blazer, and cut out the twelve inch stilettos. Stop wearing boxers with pictures of milk bones in a dog eat dog world! (Nooooorrrrmmm!*)

*reference to the character Norm Peterson from cheers who once quoted, "It's a dog eat dog world, Woody and I'm wearing Milk Bone underwear." You are welcome!

2,512.6 Miles; Elks in the Park; Eff The Stanley; The Word "Quesadilla"; and A Night in Vegas

 A little bloggity I penned back in 2008 after a trip to Colorado, my son was 2 years old at the time

  

19 APR 2008

I know shut up already, weird title of a blog, really don't pre-judge I'll feed you baby birds.

We, meaning the fam, and I traveled out to Colorado last week. Total miles driven on the trip 2,512.6 through snowy passes and bleak deserts. We hit two snow storms moving through Utah in the middle of the night, let me tell you that was fun! The wife drove through some gnarly snow at Vail pass only fish tailing once. Driving in the snow in some middle of no-where mountain pass where it's pitch black, it should be an Olympic sport. The Russians would fair very well but I'm sure they would be disqualified for using enhancement creams….digression.

We were able to visit with my aunt and uncle and three of my high altitude cousins. It was a blast and I really enjoyed watching my boy run Gabby into the ground. We also saw Jennifer's uncle for 4.856 seconds. Now you may be asking yourself, "Don, how did you come up with that time?" Well Mr. talk to the computer I rounded up from the 10.000^th place…ass!

When we reached Estes Park, where we were to be a part of Jennifer's brother's wedding, we pulled into a local breakfast joint…..boom a herd of elk just cruise into the adjacent park…Whoa. Now I reacted as I always do when I see large deer like animals, "Look moose!", but alas they were elk. My son also had a similar response, "OOOH big animals!"

Now in the town of Estes Park lies The Stanley. This hotel was made famous by the movie The Shinning. I was so ready to check it out a tour was $10. Then the catch no children under 5 allowed. What! Eff You Stanley! I was ready to get Frankie screaming "Here's Jonny!" Now I can hear you, "But, Don I'm sure that…."NO SHUT UP! SCREW THEM!

On the way back home we stopped at Taco Bell (true nectar of the Gods and the only fast food chain that will survive the Fast Food Wars) We order Frankie up a quesadilla and right in the middle of eating it he looks up and spouts out "Quesadilla"…sweet and it wasn't even a chicken quesadilla…I know you do the math.

The stop in Vegas was the brain child of my wife. She tells me before we left for home that we could stop in Vegas for the night, she and the Frankster would chill in the room and I could play poker (I love her). Long story short I cash in a tournament for almost four bills, enough to pay for the room and some shopping at the outlet stores….new pair of DC shoes.

Random Star Wars Fact: The Storm Troopers guarding the Millennium Falcon after it had been pulled into the Death Star were TK 421 and TK 422. The TK is just a reference to the type of Trooper they were and 421 and 422 were their serial number. You have been given this info to use as you wish.

When the auto crapper fails to engage

For my first Blog I dug up an old one I wrote awhile back. Should kind of set the tone for the things that run through my brain:

6 MAR 2008:

I am out of there. Cut and run is what I say. It's not my fault that the auto-flushing poopin' stool has failed.

Seriously!

I am neither a doctor nor a plumber. I do not feel the need to trouble shoot this flawed piece of technology. In fact the establishment that has chose to invest in this Russian Roulette style flushing device should be held liable for the mental anguish the person that follows me will have after a miss-fire of the auto-deuce can. I leave brutal turds folks. They usually require courtesy flushes, which are very challenging while perched on these commodes. There are only two options for a courtesy flush while engaged in the act on the auto-flush head.

1. Lean far enough forward to trigger a flush. This move is not always effective, especially if you have encountered a malfunctioning auto turd bucket. If this maneuver works really all there is to look forward to an enema from the increased PSI in most public caca cans.

2. A quick stand. This will get you more flushes, but if your balloon knot harbors any clinger swingers you risk the possibility of it become dislodged. Now there is a free flying Class IV clinger swinger which could land anywhere….you my friend do the math!

And now you say, "But Don there is usually a manual flush button on these infra-red disasters.". I say shut up and stop talking to your computer!

This is supposed to be "hands free" technology. Not my job to hit the manual override.

Movie Quote Trivia:

"I thought it was to high to leave the park"…."who gives a shit it's gone"

Easy one. The prize for the first correct answer will be tape to place over the eye of any auto- flusher you may sit on. If we sabotage enough of these things maybe we can eliminate them.

Here's to good old fashioned pull flush poop dishes!